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Going Viral ?

January 20, 2016

My dignity is currently in the toilet. It’s possible I’m about to be featured in a video that, if posted, might go viral.

           

I haven’t been getting much exercise lately so the other evening while Mrs. C. and I were driving home from an errand, I had her drop me off a quarter of a mile from home so I could stretch my legs. I wasn’t about to let darkness, wind or rain deter me and grabbed the umbrella in the trunk before she drove off.

           

A few words about that umbrella: I purchased it a few years ago as a Christmas gift for Mrs. C., who’d expressed a desire for a “cheerful” umbrella. I’d searched every store at our local mall and the only non-black bumbershoot I could find was large and splashed with the colors of a rainbow. Mrs. C. smiled when I gave it to her, even as she explained that my gift was a “golf” umbrella and perfect to shield her from the elements if she ever attended a gay pride parade.

           

Needless to say, this umbrella hadn’t gotten much use before I plucked it from the trunk. Gloves made opening it difficult. I pushed too hard and inverted the umbrella into a perfect wading pool that quickly began filling with water. Struggle as I might, I couldn’t return it to its proper shape so it would shield me from rain instead of collecting water over my head. I gave up and began walking home with a rainbow swimming pool overhead.

           

I can't explain why I didn't dump the water, but as it grew heavier I renewed my efforts to fix the umbrella, a task made more difficult by strong gusts of wind nearly tearing the umbrella from my grip. While struggling to maintain my hold on it, my pants began sliding towards the wet pavement. My choices were limited: let go of the umbrella and watch it blow away as I secured my pants, or stand there on the sidewalk with my chubby legs covered in goose bumps, my tighty-whities exposed and pants around my ankles.

           

While I decided what to do, a car pulled up alongside me and stopped. I expected an offer of help, but instead the window lowered and an I-phone appeared, snapping my picture. Without a word, the driver vanished.

           

If this image of a less than dignified Chubby Chatterbox is posted online and goes viral, my ability to run for high office could be compromised, although the gay community would no doubt lend me their support.

           

I just Googled chubby Oregon man exposes himself during rain storm but, thankfully, nothing with that description has been posted.

           

Yet….

 

      

 

 

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Comments

33 Comments
Well, you entertain us on your blog. Why not on youtube?!? Anyway, I hope you learned your lesson: never put up an umbrella in a wind storm!
By: Tom Sightings on January 20, 2016
The perfect plot for Singing in the Rain 2
By: PT Dilloway on January 20, 2016
I can why they stopped to record your 'situation'. I'll keep a lookout for your premiere.
By: Daniel LaFrance on January 20, 2016
As a photographer that was pretty rude. The very least he could have offered a ride!!! But as a photographer, I would love to see the photot!
By: Tabor on January 20, 2016
You could avoid all of that by just not exercising and watching tv.
By: Michael Offutt on January 20, 2016
A great tail?
By: John on January 20, 2016
There are worse things to go viral for...
By: Alex J. Cavanaugh on January 20, 2016
oh my- how rude of that person! Have a drier day today!
By: Kathe W. on January 20, 2016
I will be on the look out for that one. Classic. In NYC the wind whistles through the sky scraper canyons and umbrellas have no chance. During a storm every trash can has one or more umbrellas inverted or torn up. And on every corner is an umbrella hawker ready to sell you a new one for $5. They just come out of the wood work, how is still a mystery to me.
By: cranky on January 20, 2016
I want to see it!!
By: fishducky on January 20, 2016
too funny. thanks for sharing the laugh. :)
By: TexWisGirl on January 20, 2016
That is too funny and I can't wait to see the video. But really, they could have offered you a ride.
By: Arkansas Patti on January 20, 2016
First let me say, that I continue to think positive thoughts for your family and am pleased to hear that CJ is getting better. As for your dignity...What type of jerky people would act like that. No offer of help?? If the picture ever makes it way on line, I will leave a really hateful comment about their selfish behavior. OH and I will try really, really hard not to laugh at your pitiful, semi-panted, wet Chatterbox.
By: Cheryl P. on January 20, 2016
Sorry to have a laugh at your expense, but that is hilarious. Thanks for sharing it-that alone should help you regain your dignity.
By: Tom Cochrun on January 20, 2016
Hahahaha!
By: The Bug on January 20, 2016
oh...Rock Hudson would be proud of you....or Peter Sellers. Not sure which but thanks for the laugh!
By: Birgit on January 20, 2016
If you show up, I'll defend you--somehow. Love, Janie
By: Janie Junebug on January 20, 2016
And I thought all Oregonians were such nice people, always eager to help their neighbors. I guess the times, they are a changin'.
By: Catalyst on January 20, 2016
At least you had on underwear!
By: Val on January 20, 2016
Well, it could be worse. And if the jerk does put it on the internet, i'll be angry on your behalf.
By: messymimi on January 20, 2016
I'd stay here and write something smart and funny. but I'm off to YouTube to google this...
By: Pixel Peeper on January 20, 2016
You are too funny. r
By: Rick Watson on January 20, 2016
Good for you for walking... Personally, I like wearing rain jackets
By: Sage on January 21, 2016
Ha ha, so you got caught with your pants down ... again. I'll keep checking Google for photographic evidence. ;)
By: LL Cool Joe on January 21, 2016
Oh, I hope I see that. That sounds hilarious!
By: Al Penwasser on January 21, 2016
Thanks for the laugh. Now excuse me while I google some things. Lisa
By: Lisa on January 21, 2016
Check Craigslist. You never know where your picture may appear on there! Lol
By: Bouncin Barb on January 21, 2016
This just goes to show that no good ever comes from exercising :) I can't believe the rudeness of the person taking the photo, though - unbelievable.
By: jenny_o on January 21, 2016
I found the video on a hardcore conservative Christian website. I would rather not hurt your feelings by saying what the title for it was, but it had registered over a million hits already (along with hundreds of rather indignant comments). Sorry.
By: Jerry E. Beuterbaugh on January 21, 2016
Okay, I laughed out loud, more than once, while reading this. But on a side note, what happened to all the pretty, cheerful umbrellas that used to be available? I, too, have resorted to using a golf umbrella only because I can't find what I really want! (And yes, this comes under the heading of "first-world problems.")
By: Nancy/BLissed-Out Grandma on January 22, 2016
just be glad they didn't take a video.
By: ellen abbott on January 23, 2016
I confess it, I'm googling.
By: Jenny on January 23, 2016
One ending that I truly did not expect, Stephen!
By: Michael Manning on January 24, 2016

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