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Taking a Stand

August 10, 2015


Not long ago I finished eating and reached for a fortune cookie at my favorite Chinese restaurant. The message inside informed me that if I wanted to improve my life it was time to be decisive and more vocal with my opinions. Many of you might smirk at the notion that I’m not vocal enough with my opinions; I’ve been referred to as a bleeding heart liberal on more than one occasion, but since I’m always striving to improve my life, and since I can’t afford a qualified therapist, I’ve decided to take my fortune cookie’s advice.


Here at Chubby Chatterbox I try to entertain and inform; I rarely go out on a limb discussing topics like religion or politics because of the possibility of offending my readers. Besides, people generally believe what they need to believe and I see no purpose in trying to change their minds. There’s also the possibility that my facts are wrong and my opinions based on misinformation. But there’s one absolute in my life, one certainty that I hold as a core belief. Please don’t turn your back on me and relegate me to the blogging dumpster if I openly proclaim, frankly and sincerely, that the worst beverage on this planet is—CREAM SODA!




I can hear several of you shrieking at your monitors: “What the F%#K is he talking about? I’ve put up with his shenanigans for years, forgiven him for the time he admitted to not liking pandas, but this is too much. Cream soda is fantastic. Beverage of the gods. Elixir of childhood, potion of never-ending summers.”


The stuff makes me blow chunks!


During a visit to my grandfather’s house when I was ten, he gave me a can of cream soda. It was my first time tasting it, and that evening, after a nice spaghetti dinner, I lost my first battle with cream soda. Try not to imagine it; let me just say that the combination of spaghetti and cream soda leaves a lot to be desired.


Fast forward six years and I experience my second can of cream soda. I’d somehow pushed that first experience out of my mind, so I was prepared to give this drink an unbiased appraisal. I neither liked nor disliked the taste, but later that evening I ran to the bathroom, sank to my knees and worshipped at the porcelain shrine until the sun came up.


Since then I’ve avoided cream soda, and might never have thought about it again until my second year at UCLA. Mel, my roommate at Hedrick Hall, convinced me to share the expense of a small dorm-size fridge. Shortly after our little fridge was delivered, Mel went to the store to load it up with beverages. I chipped in, expecting an assortment of beers, or colas and juices, but when I opened the fridge and peered inside, the blasted thing was choked full of—CREAM SODA.


“Why only cream soda?” I asked.


“I’m addicted to the stuff,” he said.


“I need to tell you that if I smell it I’ll probably vomit.”


He laughed.


“I’m serious. Every time I’ve come in contact with that shit I’ve gotten sick.”






“Gnarly, dude.”


He had no intention of giving up his favorite soda, but he only drank it when I wasn’t around. Except for one time when he came home late from a party and popped open a can. I was in bed, fast asleep. I must have become aware of the smell of that putrid punch because, even asleep, I became nauseous, leapt out of bed and dashed to the restroom down the hall, making it just in time.


So when I say cream soda is the worst drink on earth, I know of what I speak. I know this brand of honesty will horrify many of you, but don’t blame me; blame it on that fortune cookie, which now that I think about it tasted slightly like cream soda.


Please excuse me while I…………………………….





Is there a food or drink that triggers your launch sequence?




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Thankfully no food make me want to hurl, but strawberry milkshakes were my mother's nightmare as she got food poisoning from on once.
By: Tabor on August 10, 2015
You must be allergic to something in the drink. I can't think of any food or beverage that does that to me. I can't stand coffee, but that's just because I imagine licking tar off the road would taste about the same.
By: Alex J. Cavanaugh on August 10, 2015
Weird that it has that effect on you. I don't drink it but not because I don't like it. I just don't drink any soda.
By: Ellen Abbott on August 10, 2015
I'm a fat guy so I tend to like most foods up to and including cream soda.
By: Michael Offutt on August 10, 2015
It's odd how some food/drink creates spasms that could launch a rocket. Your memory of past cream soda events has seared itself into memory that the mere scent of it can trigger another episode is pretty scary. I don't have any violent reactions to food or drink.
By: Daniel LaFrance on August 10, 2015
Well, I now understand where they came up with soda jerk from, and since I now know that you really are quite famous, I will try to be more respectful. I can't promise to try very hard, but I will try.
By: Jerry E. Beuterbaugh on August 10, 2015
All soda, diet or regular is addictive, and the leading cause of obesity, diabetes and related issues. It is probably worse for your health than tobacco and should be taxed through the roof! Otherwise I have no opinion on the stuff...I used to like cream soda though,
By: cranky on August 10, 2015
I'm addicted to Diet Pepsi but I detest cream soda--it doesn't attack me, though!!
By: fishducky on August 10, 2015
Thank you! My mom and son love Cream Soda and I think it is AWFUL.
By: Cherdo on August 10, 2015
Phew, thank goodness I never drank any. The name threw me off. Cream and soda--come on. Now spaghetti, my first memorable hurl came after that meal. I get a little queasy just typing the word.
By: Akansas Patti on August 10, 2015
Liver. Rutabagas. And (forgive me) salmon. Except the canned stuff.
By: Catalyst. on August 10, 2015
“I rarely go out on a limb discussing topics like religion or politics because of the possibility of offending my readers.” I’ve noticed this, so I was surprised that you also wrote: “Many of you might smirk at the notion that I’m not vocal enough with my opinions.” “people generally believe what they need to believe and I see no purpose in trying to change their minds” We don’t form opinions in a vacuum, which is why geography is major determinant in forming one’s values. If, as you suggest, they come from personal need, I should think that they would be evenly distributed, but since they’re anything but, I see no reason to accept your conjecture that there’s no point in sharing them. Besides, there are more important reasons for share them other than trying to change people’s mind. For example, I learn—and change—by examining my values, and for me, this means writing about them because writing is a far deeper and better organized endeavor than simply sitting around thinking. “There’s also the possibility that my facts are wrong and my opinions based on misinformation” Why, though, is this reason to not share them, and do you only share things that there’s no doubt about in areas other than politics and religion? I should think that if you were consistent with avoiding any possible error, you would rarely run into opposition, but you would likewise never say much that everyone didn’t already know, find rather boring (“Gravity makes apples fall from tree” is hardly worth noting), and agree with, so could it be that that “I rarely go out on a limb” is a greater motivator to to you than avoiding the possibility of error? BTW, I don’t drink pop, but if I did, create soda would be my favorite, and I’m deeply offended that you disagree. BTW2, raving liberal that you’re said to be, did you go hear Sanders last night?
By: Snowbrush on August 10, 2015
At least your going out on a limb let one of your readers spout off as if she's just been shaken and someone (you)l pulled her tab. WTF are those squared question marks, by the way? In my years trying to find my typos, i never ran into any of those.Happy Day, Steve
By: Jo B arney on August 10, 2015
when I was a kid it was the slightest scent of liver that got me to hurl....bleah!
By: Kathe W. on August 10, 2015
I do not like cream soda. Around here, we have the red variety and the clear variety. Red is better than clear, but still bad. The two foods that particularly make my gorge rise are canned peas and creamed corn.
By: Val on August 10, 2015
I don't drink pop and there are a few foods that I'm not particularly fond of, but nothing makes me throw up.I have to admit that just the name - CREAM soda - conjures up a vision of something with gravy in it. Wasn't there a Friends episode once when Joey drank fat from a glass?
By: Pixel Peeper on August 10, 2015
I didn't know they made cream soda anymore.
By: red on August 10, 2015
I never liked the stuff. I heard about it and finally had some when I was a kid and just didn't care for it. I also found it gross but never threw up so I am thinking there must be something in it that you are allergic to. My mom is allergic to red dye. Her throat closes up. My ick is brandy but that is due to my stupidity when I was 19. I can't even smell the stuff
By: Birgit on August 10, 2015
Don't shoot me but I actually like the stuff. However, the smell and taste of calves liver makes me gag every time.
By: marcia @ Menopausal Mother on August 10, 2015
I don't mind cream soda. Actually, I like it. I also love cilantro. Do you like or hate cilantro, Stephen? Most are on one extreme or the other.
By: Robyn Engel on August 10, 2015
Even reading about gagging or vomiting does it - no need for foodstuffs! So, I'm leaving now, very quickly ...
By: jenny_o on August 10, 2015
Horrible but interesting reaction to the drink. Your body is probably more sensitive than you realize.I personally have never liked it.
By: John on August 11, 2015
Cream soda never bothered me, but cooked greens made me very sick to my stomach when i ate them once during my first pregnancy and i've never again been able to eat them.
By: mimi on August 11, 2015
Cream soda? I haven't seen it in years. I thought they banned the stuff. What about sarsaparilla and birch beer?
By: Tom Sightings on August 11, 2015
I think I've only had it once & it was TOO SWEET (which is weird because I have a huge sweet tooth). Sadly, I've given up all sodas here recently - it's all tea all the time around here now :)
By: The Bug on August 11, 2015
I gave up soft drinks years ago and cannot even stand the taste of them now. So, I guess I wouldn't make the jury pool on this topic! Just the same,my Grandmother used Vernors Ginger Ale on ice to settle my stomach! ;)
By: Michael Manning on August 13, 2015
Bananas!! The smell of them alone makes me gag.
By: Bouncin Barb on August 30, 2015

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