Big & Small

December 20, 2017




Mrs. Chatterbox and I have been married for forty-three years, and in that time I’ve come to realize that her intelligence is greater than mine. But every now and then she’ll say something outrageous that makes me throw back my head and wonder, “What the F*#K!”


Case in point: recently, Mrs. C. was lunching at a popular restaurant with some fellow retirees, women she’d worked with for many years. Several of the ladies, including Mrs. Chatterbox, decided to use the ladies’ room. (Women seldom go alone.) Of course there was a line, with no one waiting in front of the men’s room. Mrs. C. really had to go, so one of the ladies blocked the door to the empty men’s room after she went inside. This is how she came to be there.


That evening my wife uttered something that bordered on the insane. She said, “Men’s rooms are strange. I noticed there were urinals of different sizes.”


“Different sizes?”


“Yes, I suppose the size of the urinals has to do with the size of a man’s penis?”


I couldn’t believe my ears. “Is that really what you think?”


She didn’t respond, no doubt suspecting I was setting her up.


“Do you really think a man would wait in a urinal line reserved for men with small penises? A dude would pee in a corner before he’d admit he was the dubious owner of a modest unit. Those urinals that are small or close to the ground are for little boys, not men in need of penile enlargement.”


She chuckled at herself. “Oh.”


I’m still trying to erase the scenario running through my mind, men queued up with one guy gesturing for the fellow behind him to take the large urinal. “I’m waiting for the other one,” he says, “because I have a small penis.”


It ain’t ever gonna happen!!!



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I do believe you were set up.
By: Joanne Noragon on December 20, 2017
That is a really odd conclusion. I knew immediately from the photo why they were sized differently. I have also used "men's" rooms but the urinals were all the same size.
By: Tabor on December 20, 2017
If you went in a ladies room what strange conclusions might you draw? I had to use the "small" one last night at the movie theater because the rest were in use. Too bad I didn't realize I was telling everyone I have a small penis. lol
By: PT Dilloway on December 20, 2017
Dropped in from Jimmy's. My fist visit here, and the topic is penis size!
By: Abby on December 20, 2017
Why don't they make small & large toilets? Butt size greatly varies!!
By: fishducky on December 20, 2017
All I can think of is the scene from Uncle Buck when John Candy has to visit the boy's restroom at the elementary school.
By: Kelly on December 20, 2017
I am laughing out I thought the smaller one was for short in stature men...not boys....silly me! I am still laughing! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family!
By: Kathe W. on December 20, 2017
but wait just a minute....why are there "reserved" signs above the urinals????
By: Kathe W. on December 20, 2017
You're right! Not ever going to happen. Have a blessed Christmas, Stephen!
By: Alex J. Cavanaugh on December 20, 2017
I've never hung out in the men's room much, but I've been a few and I've never seen different urinals. I also want to know why they're reserved. Love, Janie
By: Janie Junebug on December 20, 2017
Me too on Janie's comment. I have only been in one and it had all the same size. But reserved??
By: Arkansas Patti on December 20, 2017
Heeheehee! As a janitor who has cleaned men's rooms, i find this quite funny!
By: messymimi on December 20, 2017
LOL! When I was young - and I'm not sure if this is related to antiquity or to which side of the Atlantic you come from - most establishments didn't have individual urinals, just a tiled wall to aim at with a porcelain (or steel) gutter at the bottom. Problem solved.
By: Botanist on December 20, 2017
Thanks for the chuckle. Let me add a note-have you ever noticed a man flip his tie over his shoulder before using the urinal?
By: Tom Cochrun on December 20, 2017
I think that was Donald Trump Tom saw flipping his VERY LONG tie.
By: Catalyst on December 20, 2017
I always find myself next to some dude complaining the water is too cold.
By: cranky on December 20, 2017
Your wife provided you with a good story at her expense.
By: Keith Kline on December 20, 2017
Heh, heh! I think Mrs. C was pulling your leg!
By: Val on December 20, 2017
That is priceless!!! I can't stop smiling.
By: Mitchell is Moving on December 21, 2017
Nope never gonna happen, that urinal would be perpetually clean because ain't nobody gonna use it...this is funny Stephen.
By: Jimmy on December 21, 2017
Oh, that made me laugh out loud! It makes me recall two of the men in our family deciding to make "doggy bags" with large amounts of quiche left over from a family gathering. There weren't any plastic bags or boxes to put the pieces of quiche in so they improvised by using the little bags you put used diapers in. (obviously, these were unused bags - these guys weren't quite THAT unobservant) What they hadn't noticed, though, was that their "doggy bags" were heavily perfumed with some kind of slimy floral disinfectant to drown the scent of used diapers. They were so crestfallen when nobody wanted to take their doggy bags home :)
By: J WOOLF on December 21, 2017
I snorted tea out my nose when I read this one:) R
By: Rick Watson on December 22, 2017
Too funny!
By: Pixel Peeper on December 24, 2017

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